He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
