that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
