the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize