I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?