i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"