Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich