do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
