Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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