I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
