Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
God, I missed his penis.
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