i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
