love makes seman taste better
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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