So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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