And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
