I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
