Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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