Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
