Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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