I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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