glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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