hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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