My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
