apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
