i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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