I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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