Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
