Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
