Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
