I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
