Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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