the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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