I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
