The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My vagina just recognized that song.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
