i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
