Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I met the friendliest cop last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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