So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
