i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
