Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
