i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
