she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize