I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
