if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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