I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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