i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
