that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
