I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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