I heard we made out
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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