I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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