i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
