6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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