Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
