I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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