i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
