Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
