there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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