I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
