Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize