Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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