my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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