i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize