New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
