it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
