worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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